She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
please don't ironically join a cult
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