angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
