Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
