Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
