Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
