I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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