I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think my cat just said my name.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
