i don't plan on having that self control this summer
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
