Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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