Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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