why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
