Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
