will power is for people who don't want to get laid
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
