Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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