Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
