Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
