No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
