I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
