shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
