1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
