im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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