Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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