Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
True college students do jello shots in the library
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