yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
