mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
