You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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