I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
