You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
