U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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