The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
