The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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