By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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