that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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