Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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