My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
