I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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