I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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