By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
