You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
