absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
