Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
