my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
