Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We left an ass print on the piano.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
