Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
