Already got asked if we're dating
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize