I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
