sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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