Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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