There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
