He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
