i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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