I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
