Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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