Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
