You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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