There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
