just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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