you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
