Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
