Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
