I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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