This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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