At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
