they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
