Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
