Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
