so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
