theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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