btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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