what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
