Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
