what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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