Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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