I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
