I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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